Excerpt: STUFF

SKEETRAT 1.0

Need target practice? Get SkeetRat! SkeetRat is quick, sharp and sleek! SkeetRat skitters, scuttles and scurries! SkeetRat has evil glowing red eyes, just like a Commie! SkeetRat dodges your shots as fast as the slickest mutant traitor! SkeetRat hides in corners and leaps from the shadows! Nothing sharpens your marksmanship like SkeetRat!

For your purchase, you will receive one stainless steel SkeetRat with remote control. Battery not included. MacCyber not liable for damage caused by SkeetRat.

Comment on this item:

This thing drives my poor petbot absolutely crazy! He just keeps barking and barking all night.—lola

Aaaagh! Aaagh! Get it off me! Get it off me!—guest

Customers who bought SkeetRat 1.0 also bought: SnapTrap

GM ONLY! RED. 450cr. Stealth 08, Sneaking 12, Violence 08, Agility 12; Weapons: Stainless steel teeth (S5M impact); Armor 1. A small, toothy, armor-plated robotic rat with an antenna for a tail. An incredibly stupid bot, the SkeetRat has no mem card ports; it’s only good for target practice. All it knows how to do is to run, hide, gnaw and attack when cornered. Once it bites, it won’t let go. Happily, in this situation it’s easy to shoot; a miss means the rat’s victim may be hit instead.

The remote control has just two buttons: one to switch the bot on and off, and one to recall it to the user. Unfortunately, SkeetRat’s antenna is usually the first thing to get shot off (especially likely when it’s attached to a PC’s arm), at which point it no longer responds to the remote. It promptly hides in a power conduit or its owner’s bed, where its proclivity to gnaw may bring unpleasant consequences later in the mission. (Eric Minton)

LUXURY TIME YACHT

Now available: one Luxury Time Vessel! Seats six in perfect comfort. Fully equipped with dark brown pleather couches and fully stocked minibar. Advanced chronoptic guidance systems and sensor array controlled by friendly and knowledgeable bot brain. Prototype for cutting-edge Time Force designs, but now available for personal use. Be the only private citizen in Alpha Complex to own your very own Time Machine!

Comment on this item:

Ridiculous! The Jaeger-V Hypothesis strictly denies the possibility of time travel.—Jaeger-V

Maybe so, but then how do you explain the Time Force? Do you really think the Armed Forces would be spending billions of credits on a hopeless boondoggle?—trustno1butme

Do I even need to answer that?—bluegoo

Customers interested in Luxury Time Yacht might also be interested in: Miniaturization Suit, Dimensional Portal Mark 2

GM ONLY! VIOLET. 100,000cr. Bot brain has Management12, Chutzpah16, Stealth10, Surveillance14; Wetware12, Pharmatherapy 16, Suggestion 16. A flashy, tacky Hollywood-style time machine—Barbarella meets The Jetsons. Time travel may or may not be possible, but this particular time machine is a total scam. The bot brain uses time-lapse imagery to create the illusion of time rushing by on the viewscreen. In the lab, it gets backup from scientists desperate to pass off their work as successful; in the characters’ hands, it has to make do by wafting hallucinogens into the air and trying to convince passengers they’re really back in the Cretaceous. Is a high-clearance NPC aboard? Does he have a stake in proving the machine works? If so, sharp PCs should work hard to convince each other that yes, those scrubot-looking things really are dinosaurs.

NEW YOU (PERSIDAX)

When you don’t have the right personality for the job, don’t give up. Don’t give in! Instead, give yourself a persidax! Our new ‘New You’ pill will make you into someone new! Each capsule contains a zillion tiny viral enhancers that give you personality and skills needed for the task at hand. One container of persidax contains 20 capsules, each with its own distinctly labeled alternate persona. Don’t be stuck being yourself any longer! Buy your way into a new way of life! Try persidax today!

Comment on this item:

Persidax: wonder drug or freakish fraud? Tune in to AlphaNet News, tonight at 23:00!—Friendly Frank-U

I was elbow-deep in Sven-R’s entrails, working away with a vibro-scalpel and a tube of UltraGlue, and I had no idea I didn’t know what I was doing! So much for that Medical Services Technician pill! It must have been defective or something. Tossed the whole jar and bought a new one. I hope these work better.—synth5

Customers who bought New You (persidax) also bought: 200 Slimes!, Experimental Flavor #72

GM ONLY! RED. 10cr/capsule. Availability: Issued for missions requiring a wide range of skills. Effects: Each pill contains a mnemonic virus that takes over the character’s frontal cortex. Within a few rounds of taking the pill, this virus imprints the user’s brain with a painfully exaggerated false personality. This new persona has lots of ‘can-do’ spirit, sharply increasing all Management skill and specialty ratings. However, the drug enhances no other skills or specialties and provides no knowledge of the designated profession. The capsules are labeled in such microscopically tiny print it’s generally impossible to figure out which one you’re getting until it takes effect. Side-effects: Cheerful twitchiness. Aftereffects: Headaches and fatigue. Long-term use can result in addiction, organic damage or insanity. Method of application: Capsule. Duration: One day.

Published April 2005 by Mongoose Publishing Ltd.

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